Archives for May 2018

I realize that I have spent time writing about how I feel and what having Bipolar II disorder has been like, but I haven’t given a very good definition of what Bipolar disorder actually is. So, here goes:

Bipolar disorder is one person, having a variety of different moods, often in a short period of time.  It’s these abnormal mood swings that affect a person’s well-being.  Each person can experience different moods, but those with Bipolar experience extreme “highs” and extreme “lows.”  Bipolar disorder is what used to be called Manic-Depressive disorder.

The highs are normally referred to as mania, but are not always necessarily happy.  Manic episodes can be those of extreme agitation as well.  Sometimes a person in a manic episode will feel invincible, and turn towards risky behavior.  This can be sexual in nature or even life-threatening.

The lows are usually times of depression and often seem to encompass everything within the life of a person with Bipolar.  Lows can effect sleep, hygiene, attitude, relationships and motivation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s important to realize that everyone with this disorder is different, and experiences their own version of highs and lows.  Beyond that, each time there’s a manic or depressive episode it can be different than the last.

I, for instance, usually hit mania with irritability and hyper-sexuality.  For me, depression seems to happen more often and it’s something that I can no longer “get out of” myself.  Usually I need an increase of my medication along with therapy, to help me back to an even keel.

Remember that it has been estimated that one in four people have a mental illness.  Those around you, no matter how easy it may be for them to fool you, may be suffering.

Growing up with commercials for record compilations on the TV, I can still hear the song “One Day at a Time” playing through my head, when someone hands me that old adage. (Sweet Jesus) But there are times, even though the song is running through my head, where one day can be a huge undertaking.  Those of you with mental illness can understand, I’m sure.

Having Bipolar II means that I can have mood swings in a rapid cycling event, where the swings happen on a sometimes hourly basis.  Usually I can keep myself under control to the point where others don’t know I’ve changed moods, but it can be exhausting, hiding this fact from those around me.

That’s when the quote by one of my favorite artists comes to me; “one breath at a time is an acceptable plan.”  Sometimes this is all I can do to stay ahead of myself; especially during times of depression and feelings of doubt and fear.

Baby steps throughout my day tend to help me along, when I’m feeling out of sorts.  I will conquer small projects first, then small steps in larger projects, until I have carved out a nice chunk of my To-Do list.

For instance, just this morning, I sat down to work on a crafting project; something that I want to accomplish for the weekend.  Not feeling as if I was in the mood to craft (which doesn’t happen often!), I talked myself into giving the project one coat of paint, knowing full well that that coat of paint would need to dry and I could come back to the project later.  Being able to work on this for 10 minutes gave me a sense of accomplishment and in a practical way, also helped me start the project and work towards its finish.

Yet another example, is when I write these posts.  You may think that I sit at the computer and everything just pours out of my mind, through my hands, and onto the screen, but it’s not that easy.  My thoughts tend to stutter and I find myself off on tangents more often than not. I’m not entirely sure if this is ADD related, Bipolar related or medication related.  The reason I say that it might not be ADD related is because I do notice when I’m in a depressed mode that my thoughts are garbled and slow.  It’s like seeing underwater, being able to focus on the object you want but seeing it move with the waves, so that it’s just slightly out of reach when your fingers attempt to grab it.

All I know is that I have my moments of clarity when I can write quickly and get my thoughts down and then more moments when it’s a struggle to stay focused. Usually a post will take me the better part of the day, in small increments of time, to write.

Like I mentioned, “One breath at a time is an acceptable plan.” Remember to work in your own time and at your own pace.